Sideways Script
UNDER THE STUDIO LOGO:
KNOCKING at a door and distant dog BARKING.
NOW UNDER BLACK, a CARD --
SATURDAY
The rapping, at first tentative and polite, grows insistent.
Then we hear someone get out of bed.
MILES (O.S.)
...the fuck...
A DOOR is opened, and the black gives way to BLINDING WHITE
LIGHT, the way one experiences the first glimpse of day amid,
say, a hangover.
A WORKER is there.
MILES (O.S.)
Yeah?
WORKER
Hi, Miles. Can you move your car,
please?
MILES (O.S.)
Why?
WORKER
The painters got to put the truck
in, and you didn’t park too good.
MILES (O.S.)
(a sigh, then --)
Yeah, hold on.
He closes the door with a SLAM.
EXT. MILES’S APARTMENT COMPLEX - DAY
SUPERIMPOSE --
SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA
Wearing only underwear, a bathrobe and clogs, MILES RAYMOND
comes out of his unit and heads toward the street. He passes
some SIX MEXICANS waiting to work.
He climbs into his twelve-year-old CONVERTIBLE SAAB, parked
far from the curb and blocking part of the driveway. The car
starts fitfully.
As he pulls away, the guys begin backing up the truck.
EXT. STREET - DAY
Miles rounds the corner and finds a new parking spot.
INT. CAR - CONTINUOUS
He cuts the engine, exhales a long breath and brings his
hands to his head in a gesture of headache pain or just
anguish. He leans back in his seat, closes his eyes, and
soon NODS OFF.
INT. MILES’S APARTMENT - DAY
The door bursts open. Miles runs into the kitchen, looking
just past camera.
MILES
Fuck!
WHIP PAN TO --
THE MICROWAVE CLOCK that reads 10:50.
ON THE PHONE --
Miles hurriedly throws clothes into a suitcase.
MILES
Yeah, no, I know I said I’d be there
by noon, but there’s been all this
work going on at my building, and
it’s like a total nightmare, and I
had a bunch of stuff to deal with
this morning. But I’m on my way. I’m
out the door right this second. It’s
going to be great. Yeah. Bye.
INT. MILES’S BATHROOM - DAY
ON THE TOILET --
Miles has a BOOK propped open on his knees. He turns a page,
lost in his reading.
LATER --
Miles SHOWERS.
IN THE MIRROR --
Miles FLOSSES.
INT. COFFEE HOUSE - DAY
Miles finally makes it to the front of the line.
BARISTA
Hey, Miles.
MILES
Hey, Simon. Triple espresso, please.
BARISTA
Rough night, huh?
(ringing it up)
For here?
MILES
No, I’m running late. Make it to go.
And give me a New York Times and...
(scanning the display
case)
...a spinach croissant.
EXT. 5 FREEWAY ENTRANCE RAMP - DAY
Miles’s Saab chugs up the ramp and merges.
INSERT - NEW YORK TIMES CROSSWORD PUZZLE --
-- pressed against the STEERING WHEEL. The puzzle is about
1/3 finished.
EXT. 5 FREEWAY - DAY
As though from an adjacent car, we see Miles driving while
carefully filling in an answer.
INT./EXT. SAAB - DAY
THROUGH THE WINDSHIELD --
A SIGN reads:
RANCHO PALOS VERDES
PALOS VERDES ESTATES
1/4 MILE
PAN TO MILES as he signals to change lanes. The finished
puzzle lies on the passenger seat.
EXT. PALOS VERDES STREET - DAY
The houses on this block are blandly palatial as in so many
affluent Southern California suburbs.
Miles’s car pull into the driveway behind an older BMW and
two LEXI. He gets out and trots toward the front door.
INT. ERGANIAN HOUSE - DAY
A GIANT PROJECTION TV --
In a large split-level living room displays a GOLF TOURNAMENT.
WIDE --
Watching from the ultra-comfortable furniture are MIKE
ERGANIAN, a tanned, silver-haired real estate caudillo; bride-
to-be CHRISTINE ERGANIAN, his oldest daughter; and JACK
LOPATE, wearing bowling shirt, shorts and flip-flops.
MRS. ERGANIAN, a warm and elegant housewife, shows Miles
into the room.
MRS. ERGANIAN
Look what the cat dragged!
MILES
Hi, everybody.
Mr. Erganian and Jack get to their feet and shake hands with
Miles. Jack remains affable, but we can discern his genuine
irritation.
JACK
About time you got here, bud. Mr.
Prompt.
MR. ERGANIAN
We were thinking maybe you took the
wrong way and went to Tijuana and
they didn’t let you back in.
The Erganians laugh. Miles works up a smile too.
MILES
I had to bribe them.
More lame laughter.
CHRISTINE
Hey, Miles.
MILES
(leaning in to kiss
Christine)
Seriously though, the freeway was
unbelievable today. Unbelievable.
Bumper to bumper the whole way. People
getting an early start on the weekend,
I guess. Granted I got a late start,
but still.
Although Mr. Erganian presses MUTE on the remote, he keeps
watching for an extended moment, as do Jack and Miles.
MRS. ERGANIAN
Christine, why don’t you ask Miles
about the cake?
CHRISTINE
Oh, good idea. Here, Miles, come to
the kitchen with me.
JACK
Don’t bother him with that. We got
to get going.
CHRISTINE
(taking Miles’s hand)
It’ll just take a second.
INT. ERGANIAN KITCHEN - DAY
Jack and the Erganians surround Miles as he eats from a plate
with two pieces of CAKE -- one white, one dark.
MRS. ERGANIAN
Jack tells us you are publishing a
book. Congratulations.
MR. ERGANIAN
Yes, congratulations.
Miles shoots Jack a look. Mr. Erganian gets some ice cubes
from the refrigerator door.
MILES
Yeah, well, it’s not exactly finalized
yet, but, um, there has been some
interest and --
MRS. ERGANIAN
(to Jack)
Your friend is modest.
JACK
Yeah, Miles, don’t be so modest.
Indulge them. Don’t make me out to
be a liar.
MR. ERGANIAN
What subject is your book? Non-
fiction?
MILES
No, it’s a novel. Fiction. Although
there’s a lot from my own life, so I
guess technically some of it is non-
fiction.
MR. ERGANIAN
Good, I like non-fiction. There is
so much to know about the world that
I think reading a story someone just
invented is kind of a waste of time.
CHRISTINE
So which one do you like better?
MILES
I like them both, but if pressed I’d
have to say I prefer the dark.
JACK
(to Christine)
See?
INT. SAAB - CONTINUOUS
IN A REAR VIEW MIRROR --
The Erganians wave good-bye.
INSIDE THE CAR --
Miles accelerates as he and Jack wave back.
JACK
Where the fuck were you, man? I was
dying in there. We were supposed to
be a hundred miles away by now.
MILES
I can’t help the traffic.
JACK
Come on. You’re fucking hungover.
MILES
Okay, there was a tasting last night.
But I wanted to get us some stuff
for the ride up. Check out the box.
Jack turns around, and starts rooting around in a CARDBOARD
WINE BOX.
MILES
Why did you tell them my book was
being published?
JACK
You said you had it all lined up.
MILES
No, I didn’t. What I said was that
my agent had heard there was some
interest at Conundrum...
JACK
Yeah, Conundrum.
MILES
...and that one of the editors was
passing it up to a senior editor.
She was supposed to hear something
this week, but now it’s next week,
and... It’s always like this. It’s
always a fucking waiting game. I’ve
been through it too many times
already.
JACK
I don’t know. Senior editor? Sounds
like you’re in to me.
MILES
It’s a long shot, all right? And
Conundrum is just a small specialty
press anyway. I’m not getting my
hopes up. I’ve stopped caring. That’s
it. I’ve stopped caring.
Jack sits back in his seat holding up a bottle of CHAMPAGNE
and TWO GLASSES.
JACK
But I know it’s going to happen this
time. I can feel it. This is the
one. I’m proud of you, man. You’re
the smartest guy I know.
Jack now begins to remove the foil from the champagne bottle.
MILES
Don’t open that now. It’s warm.
JACK
Come on, we’re celebrating. I say we
pop it.
MILES
That’s a 1992 Byron. It’s really
rare. Don’t open it now. I’ve been
saving it!
Jack untwists the wire. Instantly the cork pops off, and a
fountain of champagne erupts.
MILES
For Christ’s Sake, Jack! You just
wasted like half of it!
Jack begins pouring two glasses.
JACK
Shut up.
(handing Miles a glass)
Here’s to a great week.
MILES
(coming around)
Yes. Absolutely. Despite your crass
behavior, I’m really glad we’re
finally getting this time together.
JACK
Yeah.
MILES
You know how long I’ve been begging
to take you on the wine tour. I was
beginning to think it was never going
to happen.
They clink and drink.
JACK
Oh, that’s tasty.
MILES
100% Pinot Noir. Single vineyard.
They don’t even make it anymore.
JACK
Pinot Noir? How come it’s white?
Doesn’t noir mean dark?
MILES
Jesus. Don’t ask questions like that
up in the wine country. They’ll think
you’re a moron.
JACK
Just tell me.
MILES
Color in the red wines comes from
the skins. This juice is free run,
so there’s no skin contact in the
fermentation, ergo no color.
JACK
(not really listening)
Sure is tasty.
EXT. FREEWAY - DAY
The Saab heads north.
INT. SAAB - DAY
The boys continue to drink and drive.
MILES
Did you read the latest draft, by
the way?
JACK
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
MILES
And?
JACK
I liked it a lot. A lot of
improvements. It just seemed overall,
I don’t know, tighter, more...
congealed or something.
MILES
How about the new ending? Did you
like that?
JACK
Oh yeah. Much better.
MILES
There is no new ending. Page 750 on
is exactly the same.
JACK
Well, then I guess it must have felt
new because everything leading up to
it was so different.
INT. GAS STATION #1 - DAY
Miles is pumping gas. Jack is stretching his legs nearby or
perhaps cleaning the windshield.
A CELLPHONE RINGS. Jack reaches into his pocket.
JACK
(looking at the phone)
It’s Christine.
(snapping it open)
Hey you.
CHRISTINE (ON PHONE)
You guys having fun?
Christine’s voice is so loud that Jack has to hold the phone
away from his ear.
JACK
Yeah. All twenty minutes so far have
been a blast.
CHRISTINE (ON THE PHONE)
Good. That’s good.
A silence, then --
JACK
So what’s up?
CHRISTINE (ON THE PHONE)
Just seeing how you’re doing. And,
um, Mom and I were starting to look
over the seating charts again, and
we’re wondering if you wanted Tony
Levin to sit next to the Feldmans,
or should he be at one of the singles
tables?
Jack looks at Miles in a mute appeal for sympathy.
CHRISTINE (ON THE PHONE)
So what do you think? With the
Feldmans?
Jack hasn’t even really heard the question.
JACK
Yeah. The Feldmans.
As the conversation continues, Miles replaces the GAS PUMP,
screws the GAS CAP back on, and together the guys get back
into the car. We DRIVE AWAY WITH THEM.
CHRISTINE (ON THE PHONE)
Really? Because I don’t know, I was
thinking that --
JACK
Well, then put him at the singles
table.
CHRISTINE (ON THE PHONE)
The problem with that is that then
there’s one extra --
JACK
Then put him with the Feldmans.
Whatever you and your Mom decide is
fine with me.
CHRISTINE (ON THE PHONE)
Don’t dismiss me. I’m trying to
include you in this decision. He’s
your friend.
JACK
I didn’t dismiss you. I told you
what I thought, but it didn’t seem
to matter, so you decide. Besides,
this is supposed to be my time with
Miles. I hope you’re not going to
call every five minutes.
CHRISTINE (ON THE PHONE)
I’m not going to call every five
minutes, but this is important.
JACK
Honey, I’m just saying you know I
need a little space before the
wedding. Isn’t that the point of
this? Isn’t that what we talked about
with Dr. Gertler?
A silence. Then --
CHRISTINE (ON THE PHONE)
Why are you being so defensive?
JACK
I don’t know, Christine. Perhaps
it’s because I feel attacked.
CHRISTINE (ON THE PHONE)
I ask you one simple question, and
suddenly I’m attacking you.
JACK
Listen. I’ll call you when we get
there, and we can talk about it then,
okay?
CHRISTINE (ON THE PHONE)
Bye.
JACK
I love you.
CHRISTINE (ON THE PHONE)
Bye.
Jack SLAMS his cellphone shut, momentarily blinded with rage.
MILES
Tony Levin? Why did you fucking invite
Tony Levin?
EXT. 405 FREEWAY - LATE AFTERNOON
The Saab heads north -- now passing through LOS ANGELES.
INT./EXT. SAAB - LATE AFTERNOON
Miles signals and begins to head for an EXIT.
JACK
Whoa, why are we getting off?
MILES
I’ve just got to make one quick stop.
Won’t take a second.
JACK
What?
MILES
I thought we could just say a quick
hello to my mother.
JACK
Your mother? Jesus, Miles, we were
supposed to be up there hours ago.
MILES
It’s her birthday tomorrow. And I
don’t feel right driving by her house
and not stopping in, okay? It’ll
just take a second. She’s right off
the freeway.
EXT. 101 FREEWAY - LATE AFTERNOON
The Saab takes an EXIT.
JACK (O.S.)
How old’s she going to be?
MILES (O.S.)
Um... seventy... something.
JACK (O.S.)
That’s a good age.
OMIT.
OMIT.
EXT. CONDO COMMUNITY STREET - DUSK
The Saab rounds a corner and parks in front of a modest CONDO.
SUPERIMPOSE:
OXNARD, CALIFORNIA
EXT. MILES’S MOTHER’S CONDO - DUSK
Approaching the front door, Miles pulls a BOUQUET OF FLOWERS
out of a plastic grocery store bag. Jack carries a bottle of
CHAMPAGNE.
Miles pulls a BIRTHDAY CARD out of the bag too.
MILES
Wait a second.
He pulls a PEN from his pocket and signs it. As he licks the
envelope, Jack rings the bell.
Moments later PHYLLIS comes to the door. She is a matronly
older woman in a nightgown and housecoat.
MILES AND JACK
Surprise! Happy Birthday!
The boys offer up the flowers and champagne. Phyllis slurs
slightly as she speaks -- she’s been doing some celebrating
of her own.
PHYLLIS
My God. Miles. And Jack! What a
surprise. I can’t remember the last
time you brought me flowers.
They hug.
JACK
They’re from both of us.
PHYLLIS
A famous actor bringing me flowers
on my birthday. Don’t I feel special?
MILES
A famous actor who’s getting married
next week.
PHYLLIS
Oh, that’s right. Isn’t that nice? I
hope that girls knows how lucky she
is, marrying no less than Derek
Summersby.
The boys follow her inside.
INT. MILES’S MOTHER’S CONDO - CONTINUOUS
JACK
Jeez, Mrs. Raymond, that was eleven
years ago.
PHYLLIS
Well, you were wonderful on that
show. I never understood why they
had to give you that brain tumor so
soon. Why that didn’t make you the
biggest movie star in the world is a
sin. It’s a sin.
JACK
Yeah, well, you should be my agent.
PHYLLIS
If I was, I would sing your praises
up and down the street until they
put me in the loony bin. Now Miles,
why didn’t you tell me you were coming
and bringing this handsome man? Look
how I’m dressed. I’ve got to run and
put my face on.
JACK
You look fabulous, Mrs. Raymond.
PHYLLIS
(over her shoulder)
Oh, stop it. Make yourselves
comfortable.
(now around the corner)
You boys hungry?
MILES
Yeah, I’m hungry.
Jack gives Miles a look.
MILES
(low)
Just a snack. Calm down.
Miles leads Jack into this small condo. The TV is on, and
it’s MESSY. Amid the newspapers and junk mail and dishes, an
AB-ROLLER and an ancient SCHWINN EXER-CYCLE sit forgotten in
a corner.
INT. MILES’S MOTHER’S KITCHEN - NIGHT
Miles finishes twisting ice trays into a MOP BUCKET as it
fills with water in the sink. He puts the champagne in and
carries it into the --
INT. MILES’S MOTHER’S LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
He takes a seat on the sofa next to Jack, who is watching
WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE?
MILES
Let me show you something. The secret
to opening champagne is that once
the cork is released, you keep
pressure on it so you don’t --
JACK
(concentrated on the
TV)
Just a second. Guy’s going for 00.
Miles finishes opening the bottle with an elegant silence.
PHYLLIS (O.S.)
Ready for my close up!
The boys turn to see Phyllis now dolled up in thick make-up
and a PANTSUIT. Her eyebrows are painted and cock-eyed.
Overall she looks much worse than before.
PHYLLIS
Oh, champagne! Miles, why don’t you
bring that out onto the lanai? I
thought we could eat on the lanai.
EXT. MILES’S MOTHER’S LANAI - NIGHT
Miles and Jack are seated in webbed chairs around a circular
glass table. They are mid-meal.
Everyone is more than a little lubricated, especially the
birthday girl as she returns from the kitchen with another
plate of food.
JACK
Mrs. Raymond, this is delicious.
Absolutely delicious.
PHYLLIS
(sitting)
They’re just leftovers.
JACK
Is it chicken?
PHYLLIS
I could have made something fancier
if a certain someone had let me know
that a certain someone was coming
for a visit with a certain special
friend. Could have made a pork roast.
MILES
It was a surprise, Mom.
PHYLLIS
And I could have already put clean
sheets on the other bed and the fold-
out. You are staying. Wendy, Ron and
the twins are picking us up at 11:30
to go to brunch at the Sheraton.
They do a magnificent job there.
Wendy is so excited you’re coming.
Silence. Jack freezes, his fork halfway to his mouth.
MILES
You talked to Wendy?
PHYLLIS
Just now. She’s thrilled. And the
kids.
MILES
(trying to be chipper)<